A large part of my goal with collaborative minds is to provide parents and professionals with resources and support. Recently a parent provided questions regarding: how to receive school support, advice for parents at home, and support for parents of children with high functioning autism, ODD, ADD, and exceptional academics.
This parent’s questions are so very important for professionals and administrators working with these children to read, reflect, and answer.
Exceptional should not be the exception when we think of providing support. Success in academics is not the key determiner in being successful in life. In fact, research has shown that emotional intelligence actually has a much larger impact on life “success” than academic intelligence.
Social Emotional Learning should not be looked at as soft skills.
Teaching Social Emotional Learning and Character Development are KEY to providing all children, but especially those who struggle with social competencies, anxiety, ODD, etc., with a toolbox they can use to facilitate forming relationships, coping with anxiety, and building a STRONG inner coach (that voice inside of us that encourages us!) Professionals, let’s TEAM up with parents to care for the WHOLE child, each child, individually!
(*Following the Q and A are a short list of resources and a parent group I often recommend parents take a look at)
Now, it is my pleasure to introduce to the blog Jillian D. Clayton, Ph.D., NCSP
A school psychologist by trade, She has worked in districts as large as 18 buildings, to a district as small as one. She currently works in a county vocational school with high functioning students, however she has a great deal of experience in self-contained classrooms working with children and adolescents with Autism, ODD or who have multiple disabilities. In addition to her work in schools, she has also worked as a psychiatric screener in a hospital setting, where she worked with children, adolescents and adults in crisis. She feels very strongly about educating parents and community members on working with exceptional children because there is a continuity of care that needs to transition from home to school to community for a child to reach their fullest potential. Working together as a whole will only benefit the child, and in turn, their families.
“As a parent how can you best support your child academically? How do you help them handle the anxiety that comes with higher functioning?”
This is a delicate balance, and in my professional opinion, it should be treated as such. First of all, you want to be able to push your child academically, regardless of their abilities (most parents lose sight of this because they are overcompensating, and that’s okay!). But knowing when to still recognize that their anxieties are real, no matter how seemingly ridiculous, is going to be something you should be continuously mindful of. I wish I could give you a magic equation for this, but it doesn’t exist. The best advice I could give you is to always gauge how your responses impact them (e.g. Are they more anxious? Less? What have you suggested? How does this response compare to other suggestions you’ve made?). This may seem like a simple suggestion, but often we do one of two things: 1) push children too far and exacerbate their anxieties or 2) become their crutch. I think most would agree that you want to land somewhere in the middle, and in order to do so, you have to be sure you are validating their emotions while not promoting complacency.
Also —and this is a question I ask all of my students —ask your child what makes learning difficult for them. Hint: 80% of high school students cannot answer this question. Most of them don’t know why they even receive services. Leading them a little in the beginning is okay (e.g. Do you have difficulty with paying attention? Do you have difficulty understanding what the teacher wants you to do?). Giving your child insight into their disability does not upset them, it empowers them and it allows them to become a better advocate for themselves. You are not going to alleviate their anxieties, but you can give them the tools to overcome them.
In your experience what as the best adaptations for a high functioning child with autism, add, anxiety and ODD?
This is challenging because it really depends on the environment (e.g. home, school, social settings) and which behavior we are talking about (ODD is going to look a lot different than ADHD and the function of the behavior – or what is motivating them – will vary). One recommendation that I could make that will transcend across settings and diagnoses would be to not challenge or engage with maladaptive behaviors. Do not feed into tantrums or outbursts (unless of course someone’s safety is in danger), and try your best to deescalate the situation by keeping a calm tone and walking/turning away for a few minutes. Redirect your child to the preferred task by providing them with choice, and if they need, set timers to let them know when they will need to proceed. Example: They don’t want to do their homework. Once deescalated from any type of tantrum or outburst say, “I know this isn’t something you want to do, but I’ll give you a choice, you’re in charge – do you want to relax for a few minutes first or start right away and relax after? Great. We can watch tv for 5, 7 or 10 minutes, you’re choice, then we can start. I’ll even set a timer to remind us. Then, when you’re ready to start, give them more options for what subject they want to start with. Your child, and the gravity of their resistance is going to dictate how you need to implement this, but the bottom line is that they need to feel like they have regained a little control, while ultimately your desired outcome is still the end result.
How do you get the school to provide services for your child when the focus is on ‘failing’ children?
First of all, I am SO sorry that this has been your experience. Working in a school myself, I can unfortunately say that not all case managers do their job to the fullest extent. I can shed some light on how services are given to students, and some key ways you can make sure your child is getting everything they are entitled to. As a case manager, we have to be extremely mindful of giving services and accommodations to students who otherwise would not be able to sustain academically without them. This is probably the biggest misconception from parents because often, they request services that sure, may be easier for their child, but there is no demonstrated need. If your student is NOT currently receiving special education and related services, it is as simple as this —write a letter to the school’s Child Study Team and request that your child be tested. They are, BY LAW, obligated to at the very least, conduct a meeting to discuss your child’s academic needs or weaknesses to see if testing is warranted.
If your child is already classified, contact their Child Study Team and request a meeting. It is within your rights to do so and the team is obligated to meet. When discussing services for your child, be mindful of the necessity to sustain and more importantly, whether or not there is educational impact. For example: Most children would benefit from counseling of some sort, however, is there a social or emotional issue that is negatively impacting them at school? If not, then they are not a candidate for IEP driven counseling services (although, my door is open to all and often times, I see my students much more than their IEP mandates). This is just something to bear in mind when you are requesting services so that you have a better understanding as to what your child is legally entitled to. If there is a discrepancy in opinion —ask for the data! There should be some record to assist case managers in making these decisions and you should not be afraid to ask for details of how they come to make their decisions. You are their parent and just like your child, you have rights.
Books: The Whole Brain Child, The Behavior Code, Social Thinking and ME, We Thinkers! Superflex
Facebook Group: Raising Kids with a Growth Mindset– You need to join the group of parents all aiming to teach their children with a Growth Mindset. It is a really supportive group where parents and professionals often talk about raising children who are exceptional, dealing with anxiety, and supporting each other!